Wednesday, January 28, 2009

20 Months

Well, it's official, I suck at this blogging thing. I'm surprised I have any followers of this blog because there are never any updates. lol.

A lot has happened since my last entry. Actually, shortly after my last entry was Thanksgiving. We went for a family visit and had to spend a night in the hospital because my little rascal got into someone's medication. Thank goodness we are still nursing! She had to have her heel poked to check her blood sugar every hour and thanks to the magical comforting properties of mama's breasts and mama's milk she would seamlessly fall back asleep after the offending poke.

Christmas came and went as well as New Years Eve. I'm fondly looking back to where we were a year ago. She was just 9 months old and on the verge of doing some very fun things. I remember thinking that getting to a year of breastfeeding was the easy part. I kept thinking, "I've done this already." The interesting thing would be everything that followed because I had not in fact, done that.

My husband and I recently took a trip to Florida for five days and we left the kids behind with family. This was the first time we have ever done this and to be honest I was looking forward to it but was dreading it for our families. Abby is night-weaned but she still wakes quite a bit. How would she do without mommy? She actually did much better than we ever thought she would! I had five days with my husband and time to be by myself. I found myself remembering a little bit of who I used to be. Could I be her again? Did I want to be? I think I came to the conclusion that yes, I would like to get back a little of the old me but would never trade in the 'mommy me' either. When we came home, it wasn't the very first thing she asked to do but a few minutes in, she looks at me and says, "nurse" with all the hope and love and trust filled within her. I couldn't get home and get my shirt off fast enough. It was heaven to be able to sit on a beach in Miami but a completely different heaven to come home and hold my child in my arms and nurse her.

I'm still mostly loving nursing. I love the connection I have with her but it's tricky to find a balance of her needs and mine, but isn't that the great mystery of mothering, no matter the circumstance?

My favorite moment hands-down is when she was nursing happily one afternoon and came off briefly to say, "love you" and then returned to the comfort and nourishment of my breast. Who couldn't love that?

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